Look, second blog post in 3 days, I must be ill or something. But this had to go somewhere.
People talk about coming to a crossroads in their lives, I feel like I’ve wandered into a forest with hundreds of paths leading out of it, each different. Some are smooth, easy-going, ultimately boring. Others lead exciting places but there’s obstacles in the way. Some are completely blocked. Some are all up hill, some go down. And then there’s the small matter of the things tying me down.
The smooth paths are the easy routes, carrying on as I am is one of these. Temping is not exactly the smoothest of paths to take, but I don’t seem to struggle too hard for placements, and it’s all stuff I can do. However, there is only so far I can travel down this path before I become bored, or stuck in a rut.
My previous path, to becoming an environmental health officer, has become more overgrown and obstacled as time has passed, at first it looked fairly simple, just small hills in the need to make money. But money has been harder to make than I expected and this hills have become mountains I have to climb. And even if I do the masters, I’ve been told the path may be just as difficult on the other side.
So I must, for a while, turn my attentions to other paths. These too are overgrown, with potholes and barriers. I want to work with children, specifically “difficult” or troubled ones, but I need NVQs for that. I could go into teaching but that path looks terribly unattractive.
Other paths can only be taken by car, and for that I need to learn to drive, and for that I need to follow other paths first, riddled with difficulties and that old friend the money mountain.
Behind a huge one of these mountains along a long and winding path is the world. I want to see it, but I have a long way to go before I’m allowed to.
I’m trying new paths, applying to be a volunteer befriender for children in care, and being interviewed for a job in my local library, but I worry these will ultimately become blocked as I travel a little way down them.
And I look up and I see a net, formed only by my mind, ready to fall and pin me where I am. I’m not happy, I don’t think I can progress down any of the paths before I traverse that one first. But until I am out the forest I’m not sure my mental health will improve, if it’s not all, ha, in my head that these issues exist.
I need to seek help and guidance to get out of the forest and remove the net from above my head, but I have no idea which path to take first, where to begin, or where things will end.